so it's been forever since ive actually done a good update... let's see if  i still got the skill.

let me know what you guys think.... also .. if you guys know of any good music code sites for xanga.. let me know and ill change my songs on here... mmkk...

enjoy

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dont dwell....look at it this way:
its one more person that you know
isnt your soulmate. so you are that
much closer to finding the guy who is

the last word in
'lonesome' is me.

sticks & stones
are hard on bones
aimed with angry art
words can sting like heck
but silence breaks the heart

Never bend your head,
always hold it high.
Don't be afraid to look
the world straight in the eye.

i want that amazing christmas kiss.
you know, the one where you're under the mistloe,
not even realizing it, & all of a sudden he comes up
& cups your face in his hand and kisses you, & his
kiss leaves you competely breathless?
yeah, that one..

A good friend will comfort you when
he rejects you. A best friend will walk
up to him and say,
"It’s because you’re gay, isn’t it?"

kisses are not contracts & they don`t mean forever. just because people say i love you doesn`t mean that they do. the guy who loves you the most usually doesn`t have to say it because you can just feel it when he`s around. is it possible to be friends with someone you once loved ? some say yes, some say no. i think it depends on how much you loved them. if someone loves you, that doesn`t mean they`ll never hurt you. nothing can make you stay & nothing can make you leave. the heart only loves what it likes & hates what it doesn`t. when you think about him, is all you can do is remember your past ? or is all you can do is think about your future ? a part of me will always be with you. the heart is forever inexperienced, although it can be broken it keeps beating just the same. we love being in love & that`s the truth. to love is to admire with the heart. to admire is to love with the mind. the head never rules the heart, it just becomes it`s partner in crime. we know things better through love than knowledge. i don`t know whether to love you or hate you. a friend is a friend. . a lover is a lover. . being both just becomes too complicated. breaking up is harder to do the longer you wait. love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longests, hurts the deepest & feels the strongest. no one has even loved anyone. . the way everyone wants to be loved. we all want to be in love for the simple reason that it is the one experience that makes us feel like we truly belong. the hardest part of learning a love lesson is the part where you have to walk away. he may be perfect but he is human. a smile can change everything, a kiss can`t cure everything, & i`m sorry won`t work forever. a phone call has the power to make or break you. sometimes you just gotta go. there is pain no matter what. . the pain that comes before the love or the pain that comes when it`s all over. i still love you, i just don`t know what you are to me now

girl: truth or dare??
boy: truth
girl: tell me how you really feel
boy: you already know i love you... so what's the dare gonna be?
girl: to prove it.

in high school there is never just one romance. you will always want the things or guys you can`t have. people WiLL hurt you even if they might not mean to. kisses are not contracts & they don`t mean forever. just because people say i love you doesn`t mean that they do. long glances are twice as better than short. learning to forgive & forget is one of life`s many virtues. laugh when you fight for dumb reasons. always try to spend quality time with friends. go to sleep with a clear mind. .you`ll sleep better. the guy who loves you the most usually doesn`t have to say it because you can just feel it when he`s around. is it possible to be friends with someone you once loved ? some say yes, some say no. i think it depends on how much you loved them. if someone loves you, that doesn`t mean they`ll never hurt you. nothing can make you stay & nothing can make you leave. the heart only loves what it likes & hates what it doesn`t. when you think about him, is all you can do is remember your past ? or is all you can do is think about your future ? learning to forgive yourself after a mistake is always going to be hard. telling you one thing & doing another is wrong. no matter how many times you look back, never regret what you did. a part of me will always be with you. the heart is forever inexperienced, although it can be broken it keeps beating just the same. we love being in love & that`s the truth. to love is to admire with the heart. to admire is to love with the mind. the head never rules the heart, it just becomes it`s partner in crime. we know things better through love than knowledge. people who do not take chances or risks limit themseleves. people who say dreams never come true, never have had one that did. sometimes it takes a twist of fate to make a miracle. i don`t know whether to love you or hate you. a friend is a friend. . a lover is a lover. . being both just becomes too complicated. sometimes the best things in life really are free. breaking up is harder to do the longer you wait. love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longests, hurts the deepest & feels the strongest. no one has even loved anyone. . the way everyone wants to be loved. we all want to be in love for the simple reason that it is the one experience that makes us feel like we truly belong. when you fall too fast you get burned. the hardest part of learning a love lesson is the part where you have to walk away. he may be perfect but he is human. a smile can change everything, a kiss can`t cure everything, & i`m sorry won`t work forever. a phone call has the power to make or break you. sometimes you just gotta go. sometimes you gotta call a past to help a future. it is possible to fall for someone. . no matter how quick you fall. there is pain no matter what. . the pain that comes before the love or the pain that comes when it`s all over. i still love you, i just don`t know what you are to me now

The biggest lie you ever told, your deepest fear about growing old, the longest night you ever spent, the angriest letter you never sent, the one you kissed on new year's eve, the sweetest dream you've ever dreamed, your darkest hour, your hardest fight, the saddest song you ever heard, the most you said with just one word, the loneliest prayer you've ever prayed, the truest vow you've ever made, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, what makes you mad, what gets you by, your highest high, your lowest low... these are the things I want to know.

You don't know. You don't know what he can do to me. Against any resolution I have not to fall in love with him, he always somehow gets past my guard and makes me do it. And it always ends up breaking me, and driving us further apart. My mind is constantly screaming "Don't fall for him" but my heart always whispers 'Maybe this time it'll work out." And I can't help it. I hate him so much for making me feel this way, but I know I would die if he didn't.

Put me in a room with him
&&&
you`ll hear a lot more noises than
an herbal essenses commercial ;]

The words that escape
a friend's mouth are,
"I'll be there when you say you need me."
But the words that are unheard
from a true friend's heart are,
"I'll be there whether you say you need me or not."

A teenager is a person who can't remember to walk the dog, but never forgets a phone number ; a weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast ; a youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, & borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday ; someone who can hear her favorite singer three blocks away, but not her mother calling from the next room ; a whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson, but can't make a bed ; a student who spends twelve minutes studying history & twelve hours studying for her driver's license ; an enthusiast who has the energy to bike four miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes; a young woman who loves the cat & tolerates the brother ; a romantic who never falls in love more than once a week ; a budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off; a boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing ;
& an original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

I will disappoint you.
I am everything I wish I wasn't and nothing I say I am,
I don't deserve the love I already know you'll give me.
I'm a wasting clock, ticking away;
Timeless, priceless, perfect imperfection.
Waste your life, waste your goals,
Throw it all away to be the one thing you hate.
I'm everything, I'm nothing;
I'm hideous, I'm beautiful;
I'm a terrible friend, I am your best friend;
I am a liar, I am honesty;
I am cruelty, I am kindness;
I am hate, I am love;
I am a pathetic existence.
But when you walk into my life, you won't see that.
I will laugh and smile, and be everything that you think I am;
Everything I can never understand.
I'll be everything to you.
I'll be the stars,
the magic,
the dream come true in your eyes.
I'll be your blonde haired, petite, porcelain skinned doll.
I'll be the perfect someone that you'll never know.
But when you blink, I'll be gone.
I am a memory.

and all i want is for him to be standing outside
my window on christmas morning with a sign
saying, "santa forgot one <3"

"Take it all off," he said.
"What, my clothes?"
"No, your make-up; your mask."

I asked you what it's like to love,
break and die all in the same breath.
You said, "It's like walking with the silence in December,
while a million hearts explode within your chest,
but you don't care enough to feel it."

Im hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait you tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say
That it's too late to apologize.

 she cries constantly but you can't tell why. because she hides it so well, you would never expect her to be one of those depressed girls. you all thought everything was perfect in her world. i guess you were all fooled by her cover up each day. she would always laugh and smile and jump around and play, sometimes she would try and open up to you guys and tell her story, but you never paid that much attention and never took it that seriously. you always tell her that she's smart, pretty, funny, and kind, of course, you also thought she was a bit weird and out of her mind. sometimes she is a bit dramatic and very loud, but she took it as a compliment and was very proud. she would always cheer you up when you're sad, she would do something nice so you wouldn't stay mad, she would always help in any way she can, she was the kind who wasn't scared to take a stand. because of how she acted, you never thought she'd be the one. never thought she would do what she had already done. no one never knew all the pain she felt inside, all the anger and hate she always try to hide. because no one never took the time to listen and get to know her, everyone lost someone who could make a change for the better

let me clarify something..when i said i couldn`t live without you..i lied.
what i meant was i couldn`t have a life worth living without you.
when i said i needed you..& i`d never fall in love again..i lied..
what i meant was that i`d never fall in love like this again..
when i told you that you were the best thing in my life..
i meant you were the best thing in my life so far..
& when i said i`ll love you forever..what i meant was until the end of time..
& that i`ll still be here..should you ever change your mind

but you can't judge a book
by looking at its cover.
you can't love someone
while messing with another.
no, you can't win a war
that you're fighting with your brother.
you wanna have peace?
you gotta love one another.

 You know that things aren't going well for you when you can't even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they'll presume you're asking them to feel sorry for you. I suppose it's why you feel so far away from everyone, in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible.
-"A Long Way Down", Nick Hornby

Girl: I don't want to let go.
Boy: Don't.

alright, so it's definitely been a long time since ive updated. ive been so busy... im sorry guys.

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if one's born into battle
& doesnt know any other kind of life,
how could the battle be so bad,
when its all you've known, its all you've had

He asked me if I was alright.
I looked at him, speechless.
"Yeah" I said. Then I thought
about it, and I looked into his eyes
as mine filled with tears. "No."

It's eating at me like cancer
I need to know the answer,
its a simple yes or no
should i love you or let you go?

I hate you for figuring me out.
It's like you raped my mind and
took advantage of what you knew you could figure out.
Why did you tease me like that?
Why did you torture my soul?
Why did you just sit back to watch me fall apart?
Thanks so much..you helped me break inside.

major props to http://www.xanga.com/HeavyHeart__X3 

It's hard to live your life right
when you’ve got demons in your ears.

We are famous faces
We are legends of the underground
The west coast is dying, but we're still getting down
Hollywood's got stilettos
Walking egos in skirts
Setting sunset on fire
We only do this cause it hurts.

I see the victims of the deadliest poison
My face has turned her skin chalk white
My lungs are spilling out
What's keeping her alive, but was she ever dead?
Let's see, there's footprints trailing out of the morgue.

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see your back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget.

I watched you slide out through the backdoor
I've never met her, but when I do
I'll thank her for saving me from you.

You make it sound so easy to be alive but tell me how am I
supposed to seize this day when everything inside me has died?

I'm hearing what you say
but I just can't make a sound
you tell me that you need me
then you go and cut me down
but wait you tell me that you're sorry
didn't think I'd turn around and say
that it's too late to apologize.

I heard you finally hit the concrete.
even streets have an aftertaste.
you tried to get me in the backseat,
then passed out after second base.

I like where you sleep
when you sleep next to me.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't,
you can't make your heart feel something it won't.

Your eyes, I see a darkness that torments you,
and in your head where it dwells.
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it.
let's walk away from this hell.

Now run along my little nightmare.
Your job is done here.
You've scared them all to death.
If they revive them just sit there.
Just smile dear. Make them thankful for every breath

I'm fucking freezing,
and I just saw napalm in your eyes.
Rip off what's left of another day,
another crash.
I'm not good with goodbyes.
Moments like this don't just come and go, so soak it in.
This is all I know. Hollow eyes have seen it all.
They say it takes a lifetime for an empire to fall.
I keep swallowing, choking on ashes,
hoping that you will help me breathe.
But tomorrow's not coming.
There's nothing left to believe.
You look like Christmas to me, pale and glowing.
The streetlight catching you through the window.
And for a split second I forgot all my failures,
and the trash on the street below.
I'm here with you. You're here with me. Let's try to forget.
Flesh on flesh.

I read the body count out of the paper
And now it's written all over my face
No one ever plans to sleep out in the gutter
Sometimes that's just the most comfortable place.

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background of a televised war
And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away, they’ll walk away."

I felt sad, because I realized that once
people are broken in certain ways, they
can't ever be fixed, and this is something
that nobody ever tells you when you
are young, and it never fails to surprise
you as you grow older and you see
people in your life break, one by one.

When you live in a nightmare..
it's written all over your face.

I watched as you sat with a cigarette in your hand,
holding a drink with the other, trying to drown all your pain.
And I believe in you.

 On my knees, I'll ask
last chance for one last dance,
Because with you, I'd withstand,
all of hell to hold your hand.

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive.
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive.

I love that how he breathes booze in the mornin'
it's so sexy how he can't remember last night
I made a fatal mistake letting him drink again
Well who the hell am I to tell him how to live his life?

She's in designer jeans on amphetamines,
& wants you badly, & he's a cannibal,
& suicidal,eratic on heavy metal.

"He fought two wars..
One of them was in his head."

 So let's get a little closer now, you say
you say, that we're all tied up and wrapped
around in useless states of mind but at
the same time we're still young.

major props to http://www.xanga.com/QuotesAreTheNewFashion 

...

Say what you feel
Yell good morning to all your neighbors
Wish upon a star
Sing with the window open
Go on a date with a geek
Dress how no one else dresses
Dance with a broom
Use weird away messages
Just... Be who you are

So there have been lots of ups and downs, but ultimately, at the end of the day,
That’s what makes you who you are. We all know how to laugh, we all know
how to cry, & we all know how to love back... We all know heartbreak, but the
world keeps moving. And we keep moving with it right along with it, and everything
we experience helps us realize how beautiful life really is... <3

& her heart finally told her ;
just let it all go

s n o w . . . it makes you look deeper than
the surface to see what's really there.< / 3

everyone cries, everyone weeps. we all stay up late one night because we cant go to sleep.
tears coming out, thoughts deep in your head. so you sit and lie there and cry on your bed.
you cant help but think about all the things you had. you cant help but wonder why they
make you sad. you cant help but think about him day and night. you cant help but wonder
why this match wasn’t right. you cant help but smile every time you see his face. you cant
help but try to find someone to replace him. so your happy to see him. its been a long time.
your happy to see him, & you don’t know why. well don’t suddenly forget
he’s the reason why you cry <|3

Trust that he doesn’t cheat on you.
Trust that he doesn’t lie to you.
Trust that he really likes you.
Trust that he’ll always be there for you.
Trust that you don’t have to worry about him
breaking up with you the second you wake up.
Trust that he’ll stick up for you.
Trust that he’ll never fall in love with another girl.
Trust that he won’t get sick of you
& trust that he loves you like you love him
&& trust is the only thing keeping me speaking these unspoken words..

I want a guy I can go to with mascara running down my
cheeks and the first thing he says is: Who's ass am I kicking...

i want a boy---
who can wrestle with me
and let me win.
who i can talk to about anything
who laughs at my jokes.
a boy who puts my cold hands
in his warm hoodie pockets.
who lets me use his sweatshirt
for a pillow.
who buys me 25 cent rings,
and sticky hands.
who says i love you & means it.
who will kiss me in the rain,
in the sunshine, and in the snow.
who calls unexpectedly.
who will have many inside jokes
with and me remember each one.
a boy who notices girls haircuts.
who realizes that girls say things
but don’t always mean them.
who shows up at my games,
slipping in the door.
who i can go swimming with
on hot days.
who can tell me his problems
and let me help.
who will listen to me talk--
about the new nail polish i got.
who will bring me seashells
from the beach.
who will let me beat him up
when i get angry.
who writes love letters to me,
but doesn’t send them.
who draws pictures and slips them
gently into my locker slot.
who saves his genuine, big smiles for me.
a boy with deeps eyes,
that can see through faces into depths.
who wears baseball hats and
lets me wear his too.
who gives me his t-shirt to change into
and not expect to get it back.
who knows my favorite color, song,
car, vegetable, perfume and
the color of my toothbrush.
a boy who will shake my dads hand
and look my mother in the eye.
who will call me by my full name--
first, middle and last.
a boy who will kiss me and
tell me I’m pretty.
a boy who will let me cry to him.
who will squeeze my hips just right.
who surprises me and compliments
my manicure and plays with my hair.
who knows when i have a math test
or when i fail one.
a boy who smells like
he just stepped out of the shower.
who wears cologne that i can subtly
smell when I’m leaning on his shoulder.
who tells me i have a nice laugh
and a smile that light up the room
and simply be mine to hold.

so go on ..
let her bottle up her feelings while
she sits on the edge of her bed,
wondering why she deserves
everything you put her through.
&& she can pray for a better day

you can hide the pain that you feel & make others believe
that you can move on, but you can never deny the truth to yourself
that the person who has failed you & hurt you
is still the person you'll always choose to love

if there’s anything you should do before you die, allow me to suggest something,
look into someone’s eyes, someone who you really care about, really look at them,
just look at their face, their eyes, take them in, breathe their breath into your lungs
at a moment when there most happy, & i promise you, you'll never see anything
more beautiful then the expression on their face, or the one on yours.

Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have,
we lose people. But we never forget them. &
sometimes, it's those memories that give us the faith to go on.